


This Alternate Universe We Inhabit

by dashakay



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 16:58:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dashakay/pseuds/dashakay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard wonders, what does he do that I don't do? What does he have that I don't have?</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Alternate Universe We Inhabit

It's almost two in the morning by the time he gets home from the airport. Leonard slowly opens the front door to the apartment and sets his suitcase down as quietly as he can. If he disturbs Sheldon's circadian rhythm, there will be hell to pay tomorrow.

He' s home a day early from his Thanksgiving trip home to New Jersey. After three days of listening to his mother drone on about Gerd Gigerenzer's theories about heuristics and rational decision-making he was ready to stab himself in the eye with the turkey serving fork. If he had to listen to that sort of thing he might as well be home with Sheldon. He caught a cab to Newark and was on the next flight back to LA.

Leonard cautiously walks across the wood floor, praying it won't squeak. Just past the kitchen, he stops in his tracks. Did he just hear a giggle? A high-pitched, feminine giggle? Could Sheldon possibly be up this late watching a movie in his room?

Odd. He shakes his head and is about to start walking again when he hears the giggle turn into something closer to a feminine moan.

Could Sheldon possibly be up this late watching _porn_ in his room?

No. Definitely not. This is Sheldon we're talking about, Leonard thinks.

He hears the giggle again and he would swear that he's heard that giggle before. Weird.

He tiptoes around the corner and to his surprise, Sheldon's bedroom door is half-open and light is spilling out. He peeks around the edge and...

His legs almost buckle under him.

Penny is sprawled across Sheldon's bed, not a stitch of clothes on, her legs spread, her hands clutching the headboard of the bed. Her eyes are closed and the moaning and giggling is most definitely coming from her lovely mouth.

There's a man crouching at the end of the bed, his head between Penny's legs. Leonard can't see the man's face but it's undoubtedly Sheldon.

Sheldon. With his face buried in Penny's pussy. Something she's clearly enjoying if her ecstatic facial expressions are anything to go by. Or else she's suddenly become a Meryl Streep-quality actress.

Leonard edges away from the open door, so that he can still see what's going on in Sheldon's room but not be spotted himself.

If he were a decent, normal human being with a properly functioning moral compass, he'd go right to his room, shut the door and put his iPod on to drown out the noise. But he can't stop watching. He can't take his eyes away from the tableau in the bedroom.

He feels like he's going to throw up.

He's getting hard.

THE FUCK.

Leonard watches Sheldon's head moving between Penny's thighs and remembers when he once had access to that very special area himself. Penny never really seemed into it much. Five minutes or so and he'd inevitably get the old "tap and tug" from her. "I just can't wait to have you inside me," she'd often say and he believed it because he was stupid.

And he wonders what Sheldon's trick is. _Sheldon_, who an hour ago Leonard would have sworn on a stack of Bibles, the Torah and the Bhagavad Gita was as asexual as conidial fungi.

Has air travel somehow plunged him into an alternate universe where Raj is banging the Laker Girls and Howard has moved out of his mother's house?

Penny arches her back and cries out. "Don't stop, Sheldon. Don't youdarestopnomatterwhatyoudo..."

Leonard's hand drifts down to his pants, over the fly. He feels like the worst pervert on Earth but he can't help touching himself as he watches Penny coming.

Penny is coming while his best friend and roommate is eating her out, Leonard reminds himself, but he can't help stroking his hard penis through the fabric of his trousers.

This is sick, he thinks. He backs away from the door even though a small part of him (approximately six inches) wants to stay.

He goes into his room and shuts the door. Leonard finds himself on his bed in the dark. And SHIT, he can _still_ hear them. His iPod is in the living room and he can't even drown them out.

"Oh, oh, oh," he hears Penny say. "Oh, Sheldon!"

He'd always wanted to hear Penny sound like that but no matter what he did, the most he got from her was some heavy breathing and the occasional squeak. And oh _God_, even worse, he can hear Sheldon, too. "I believe your pleasure would increase exponentially if you positioned your left leg over my shoulder, Penny."

And he feels his hand drifting down to his fly again and he's unzipping his pants. He's going to go to hell, for sure.

"Fuck me!" Penny cries out and Leonard imagines the two of them—Sheldon thrusting into Penny again and again while she clutches his back.

He comes silently with a shudder, spurting uselessly into his own hand. Leonard wonders, what does he do that I don't do? What does he have that I don't have?

The worst part, Leonard suspects, is that he'll never really know.


End file.
